Pictures from Brittany Kunza

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Arrival in Manhattan...And David Letterman

The general population would agree that bringing a motor home into Manhattan is not the best idea of 2010. My grandfather, however, says this is the thing to do.

I am not sure if Manhattan-Motor-Home-Driving has ever been attempted but it is up for nomination as a new Olympic sport . . . right along-side the “push-the-ridiculous-disk-thing-on-the-ground-with-a-stick” sport, it is a horrible name they chose, I know. This driving extravaganza includes: driving the wrong way on a one-way street and an incredible parallel parking job and multiple-day-camp-out right in-front of our apartment. Thank you to security guard Nathanial who refuses all offers of cookies due to his recent weight loss. I like the people here.


So grandpa only hit one car. I would consider this a success. He also did it while driving the wrong way on a one-way, this is for bonus points. We were right next to a restaurant called “Covo’s” – a fantastic place with Dominicans and Italianos and everyone kissing and hugging, dating must get confusing amongst the staff there. Anyways they have salsa dancing Wednesday nights and I am interested to go. Someone said the Dominicans dance salsa like the Puerto Ricans...we shall see. If so, this includes the men spinning the women and being so focused on their own moves that they generally let go and potentially drop the women.

These last few days we have been furiously cleaning. “Furious” is not even strong enough. Grandma was put on bleach probation by aunt Beth when she used an entire bottle to clean the bathroom and suffered slight asphyxiation.

Grandma wore white for a reason...bleach queen!

After that and many “son of a bitch”s (pronounced fast as “son-va-bitch”) as grandpa’s catchy key phrase, almost as catchy as Reba, I had enough. We did what we could but then I called in housing. Prayed on it to calm down, but was thoroughly upset with housing. After visits, calls, and notes…housing has been amazing. I know nearly all of the maintenance staff in our building and what kind of Vodka our polish (I think?) painter likes.

 I can’t believe pre-health professionals lived like this.

Don't worry... Tanya and Marco in housing have been a huge blessing. We have a brand new dishwasher and stove.

Previously inhabited by M.D. pH.D. students who apparently fried everything – food, their books, cereal and the kitchen cabinets – I think their curriculum should include a cleaning course. Is Monavie religious? Hmm an infomercial is on.

In an effort to maintain integrity on the west coast - - I am going to continue the blog. What should I name it? Take the quick survey! The winner will escape future harassment via my blog =) Vote now- just click here!

To see all pictures of our trip- check out the next post ( it is a link to shutterfly =)

Day 10 – Thursday August 19, 2010

The Niagara Falls. I don’t usually start sentimental but I am going to.

I have been meditating on John 3:30 for the last few days – “He must become greater, I must become less.” When staring at the falls today from several angles….I couldn’t help but to reflect on this verse.

Incredible

 How big God is, it is not hard to acknowledge but it is difficult to live it. Introverted with no “me-time” to recharge over the last 10 days, I have become annoyed with mispronunciations of words, “GARMIN grandma not “Gramin!” I say in my head, indecisiveness even though I am notorious for being indecisive, and inexplicable happiness. Standing in front of those falls I realize how ridiculous my qualms and how I need to let God take-over my frustration. Really incredible. To me, the difference between joy and happiness is God. Happiness is temporary and fleeting, Joy is present amidst the hard times and the good times.

Love this picture of Uncle Sean and Grandpa G Man

Good times….”oh he’s a natural” gramps said…a WHAT?! .. grandma thought grandpa said “A**hole” hahah this was classic.

Anyways, today we went to a buffet. It was a success.

 I don’t know if anyone else thinks of all-you-can-eat situations in terms of success or failure. My criteria is this; leave feeling like I need to engage in hibernation and live off of my own body fat for a month and “just skip the next meal” to justify the gluttony = failure. Leave feeling content = success. This was a success…..UNTIL we stayed past breakfast, into lunch chatting and encountered my greatest fear - - an excellent dessert buffet. Soft-serve with skor bar...and some chocolate cake, crème brule, tiramisu, and various other baked goods were my downfall. However, any true buffet-er knows the backup emergency protocol – don’t drink any liquids. I followed this and left with a happy tummy and overall success. Phew.

After breakfast we went to see the falls via the ascendenator….yes that is what it was called. However we were going down a hill so I believe it should be referred to as the DEscendenator. This took us closer to the falls and to the land of the “-enators.” – favorites being the vacuminator and the impationator, strong resemblance to grandpa.

The Vacuminator

After the falls and hike up the hill the impationator..I mean grandpa insisted we see an IMAX even though that would put our ETA back and driving late at night. Even though the stuborninator, me, thought this was a horrible idea, it ended up being a great rest and way to learn about ridiculous crazy ladies who barricade themselves in barrels with a pillow, mattress, and magical color changing cat to challenge the falls. Is this what they did before Prozac?


We got to leavin about 3p.m. and drove right on into Buffalo “urine smell” New York. Feels like home. Going to dump the motorhome’s water and add fresh water and fuel, grandpa offered Beth a shower. I think this was a trick because, without telling her, he moved the motor home and I laughed hysterically thinking of enjoying a shower then being violently tossed out the gold lined accordion door - - not strong enough to support a person. Beth did, however, survive the move to later collaborate with grandma in finding a gun shop.

Although it didn’t actually exist, grandma and everyone are on a quest to get me a Taser. I figure just remind me of my bad grade on my biochem final and I could take out any threatening person no problem. Glycolysis, taser….similar.

Then we drove…for a long time. Stopping for dinner at a Cracker Barrel, I have decided that grits have officially been replaced with turnip greens in my mid-west-food-preference-list. Although I believe they too are doused in butter and oil ALSO with bacon, I warned Beth not to say anything so I could enjoy them in pretend ignorance. Bliss. Only 80 more miles to go and we will almost be there! Prayers for tomorrow would be greatly appreciated! Scheduled to sign the lease and move in, and organize a small riot upon refusal by hosing to re-paint and clean the bathroom. This is going to be interesting.

Drive on…

Day 9 – Wednesday August 18th 2010

Something happened. Along with all the time and zone changing…I seem to have lost an entire day or I got the date wrong yesterday as a side effect of motor home-hallucination. I guess, as they say in the Midwest, “I’ll tell you what….”


So today we drove from Lansing Michigan to Niagara Falls (Canada side) with three hitchhikers. Aunt Beth, Uncle Sean and this guy.

Sideways again...I know I know

As promised, we have a guest writer. Beeeeeeeeeeth Duncan! Come on out!

Star Date 2010. The captain has turned off the no smoking sign and we are free to move about the cabin. He has also cut the air conditioning to forced us to the water. The natives seem friendly but the captain seems guarded with multiple conflicting directions on how to deal with the natives. He seems to believe that the crew is naive and ended his evening with a hostile pontification about breaking and entering the motor home, women’s fashion know-how, and the poor quality of the day’s bread.

As reasonably expected the first mate skipper Linda “grandma” Giandomenico has kept a cool head, a calm sense of where the Canadian “ghettos” are and has continued to explore her tri-quarter “wrong-wrong” (tomtom)– a rogue navigation system. She appears to be continually lost while struggling with “wrong-wrong”.

While exploring planet Duncan located in Lansing MI, we experienced hostel life, new carpet, and tremendous muffins. One inhabitant of the Duncan crew 2010 was dropped off at the dog clinic. ( Brittany says - - odd, Beth and Sean’s child. Now I have been on the motor home for quite awhile but I am relatively certain kalona is a dog. Interesting genetics.)

We did four treacherous three-point-turns today with blind backing because of a broken rear back-up camera, several melt-downs remedied by keen communication skills ( Brittany: and the ever lingering question - - are we allowed to drink alcohol in the cab of the motor home while driving?) We met an angel, Christian, living at the Best Western at the falls who directed us to park and stay for just $3 - - you can’t beat that with a stick. The day culminated with a breathtaking walk to the falls of Niagara Canada. After Dark the safety belts of the RV came out with the captain’s failing eye-sight and an ever denied near turn into a ditch.

Focker out.

Okay I am taking over (Me Brittany) - - We walked to the falls at 1 am and they were amazing but what was more amazing was the fight that incurred with the RV’s kitchen table/bed vs. Grandpa/Beth/Sean/Grandma. I fell asleep standing in the doorway of the motor home avidly opposed to the conversion of the table into a bed because that just sounds ridiculous….the rest is a blur. Tomorrow I am determined to understand what it means when grandpa repeatedly says, “It’s all about the haves and the have-nots” - - not sure if it is being used in the wrong context but I am completely confused by this one.

Talk to you all tomorrow!

The new precaution at Niagara to prevent people from jumping/going by barrel down the falls: an ambiguous sign. Phew.

Day 8 – Tuesday August 18, 2010

I am never eating grits again. Oh and we found tires and wheels (rims? I don’t know what they call em)

So we entered Michigan today and despite the slow approach of the welcome to Michigan sign I said, “forget it,” to trying to take pictures of the welcome signs. Well, there were two signs so I figured I have no excuse for missing both and grandpa slowed down to about stopped and scolded me to get the picture.

Welcome to Michigan Sign # 2

I am feeling rather dimm-witted today. I don’t think that means what I think it does. So, anyways, grits. We became such good friends in such a short time but I didn’t realize what they were made of. After getting into town to pick up Aunt Beth and Uncle Sean, Bethy kindly informed me of the massive quantities of butter and oil that are used to make grits….great. I thought they were somewhat healthy yet lacking nutrients due to its corn base. Now that I know they are basically a bowl of saturated fat, they don’t taste quite as good. No wonder I was not hungry for the past three days. Deception and lies. Lesson: just because it tastes bland and healthy doesn’t mean it is not the equivalent of eating a Snickers bar, this is a universal truth.

FINALLY we found tires. I actually think we found all of the tires that the midwest owns in one shop. No wonder we couldn’t get anything. Huge blessing, right by Aunt Beth and Uncle Sean’s house. (sigh of relief) We also got the shocks re-wielded, after the guy on the phone insulted my geographic intelligence by adding to the address that it was located in the U.S….on planet Earth. Thank you. I have a Garmin so I already knew that.

Checking out the tires with coli

E. coli met aunty Beth and received a new “cillia”-do. She looks so pretty. Pretty E. coli!

Breast Cancer Oil Filters...I don't get it. 

Everybody loves a lil' E. coli ...

Tomorrow we will be headed off to Niagra Falls and perhaps the blog will have some speacial guest writers =)
Drive on….

Day 7 – Monday August 16, 2010

Missouri to Illinois to Indiana a.k.a. blow out number three. Front drivers side blew. Luckily, or so we thought, we were on an off ramp off the 70 east (exit 1) headed into Indiana. If you have never experienced a tire blow-out before, well, I hope your first is not in a 34-foot Vectra Winnebago 1994. In order to ever get help from AAA, I am finding they inadvertently require you to memorize every ridiculous thing about your vehicle. (Read aloud with mid-west twang at an unusually slow pace and imagine speaking this way to a stressed distraught Italian), “Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm yes, mmmkay. And whaat exactly is the interior like? Is it a, would you say, very plush RV? Mmmm I see. Can I place you on hold?” – 45 minutes for what seems to be their lunch break- “ Okkkkay mam, yes I have someone over thataway. They’ll be there … eventually. So you need help changing a tiiire? Oh. Hmmm I don’t know if they do that. How many lug-nuts are on there and what is the diameter in millimeters of each lug-nut?”

I mean COME ON! We just needed someone to help change the tire. Grandpa didn’t need to be cultivating his third heart attack and after the bacon grease basted fried eggs I couldn’t talk him out of this morning, looks like the cultivating had already begun. So a 52-year-old country boy arrived approximately two-weeks later. With chew pouched in his cheek and tobacco brown stains on his teeth and around the edges of his lips, he proceeded to speak in, what sounded, a foreign language. After dropping the motor home off of the jack, sitting back and watching my grandpa do the majority of the work, taking a tip from my grandpa and saying, “well was hoping for more than that,” and making ME call AAA for the PO code he needed for the job, he made the mistake of talking to this Italian. He said, “weeeel yea. Yous gonna have tah put that tiiiire in the RV to dump it. Over there maybe off highway 40 or I don’t know where.” (did I mention he guessed I was 30-years-old?)

I lost it.

Hands moving violently like a true passionate Italian with voice loud as I could with the adrenaline pumping I was ready to take someone out, I said, “You have GOT to be freeking kidding me. That tire is going in the back of your truck. We can’t even drive our RV hardly and you are making US dump it. I don’t think so. I don’t care. You figure it out. You are dumping it. We are NOT taking this. NO. This is ridiculous.”

It felt so good…until the end of the ordeal when he said…well mam I wish you good luck at school, and he proceeded to talk about some “wooly-wallet worm” that he lit up when he saw crawling on the ground. “yea – it is a woodfsld wallet.” …a what? Grandpa’s wallet? “A woolly woolet. Big yeller one. Oh he’s way under there naw. Means wes gonna have a bad winter.” Poor guy. I don’t think he was 100% there, or the Midwest just has some odd way of fixing cars and angry women. Anyways I got his name and license plate number. What? I’m from LA…. I also apologized for my outbreak. C’mon I am a lover not a fighter. 

Another Cross... it is upright in real life. I think this was Illinois?

Determined to drive from Indiana to Lansing Michigan, where Uncle Sean and Aunt Beth live, on a spare, we continued. After calling what seemed to be every auto supply and tire shop around I came to the realization that the Midwest doesn’t make any sense. NOBODY sold rims/wheels. Even the largest RV place in the Midwest, according to their announcements when put on hold, did not sell rims and wheels even though it said they did on their website. With that, I wasn’t surprised when Uncle Sean said their carpet didn’t come today as planned. This is probably because the carpet place doesn’t actually sell carpet. They might know a guy who could though but that shop might not be open because it is after five. Oh and they do have great grits though. Really. I am being honest here. I also discovered that I am, “no spring chicken anymore,” according to grandpa. I need to have some kids QUICK- I am feeling much less fertile now.

Grandpa also passes this on, “Always be sure to do everything right.” Eureka! Ok. We need to find some tires…or an ice-cream shop that sells metal so I can fashion something with the new tool equipment.

Ok. I am tired. I am done talking with you. Goodnight amazing friends fam

Sums it up

Day 6 – Sunday August 15, 2010

I don’t know how much more Dolly Parton in cassette form I can listen to … “silver and gold, time can’t be bought back with silver and gold.” I am not sure what her rhyme scheme is, but it is tragically catchy.

So last night, while camping in what I would consider a forest with an excellent wi-fi connection, I turned off the lights around 3 am to witness odd flashing outside the front window. Can there be lightning without thunder? I thought for certain that was it…or aliens. Both feasible so I decided to hide under the blankets like a true grown-up afraid of the dark. I am going to do well in New York.

Forrest creature

Here is the mysterious flashing forest in the day time

So it is the Sabbath - - in the Bible belt all the trusty Garmin found was Baptist, Christian, and Pentecostal churches. Grams and Gramps wanted Catholic. It has been a long time. I am used to Christian services and kind of felt ready, with all the grits I’ve been eating, for some good ‘ol Baptist gospel singing. I wonder if they serve grits in church as we praise the Lord with gospel…that would be amazing. We went to St. Jude church in St. Robert MO. I was shocked. The congregation was very diverse….and good looking but I have never seen so much plaid and stripes before!

On the way to Cracker Barrel for breakfast/lunch grandpa couldn’t figure out why people traveling in the opposite direction were flashing their high beams at him. Turns out we were traveling the wrong direction on a one-way-highway. Oops - -common mistake. Today’s grits mix in of choice - - baked apples in caramel.

Quick stopover at Lowe’s. A well needed break after driving a whole 20-miles. Finally got my hands on an incredible tape measure and the best news…I have found the perfect color combination. I was sad to see grandma’s dismal look on her face as I squealed with excitement that only coffee bean, vanilla bean, and green olive can elicit. She said ehhhh reminds me of the 70’s! “WHAT grandma!!!Wait consider the gold accent color.” Oh fiddlesticks…as she says…I am keeping my color combo!

So we drove a bit more and took another break after the next grueling 8-miles. grandpa stopped at a mule antique store. I have no idea about this nomenclature, but I have a strong aversion for antiques. Chomping on the 2-day-old huge gumball, we entered my nightmare. “A-las! They had the perfect King Arthur sword…just what I need for the apartment in New York. Forget pepper spray, I will carry a mid-evil sword. All I know is that I am thankful I had my tape measure to get the dimensions on this bad-boy!

Necessary

Driving into St. Louis….no I did not phonetically confuse it with “St. loueese” Sam haha, Finally a city reminiscent of LA; high-rises, crime, and all. The Arch is AMAZING! After trying to find a place to park and walking near the Mississippi towards it to get a picture, we passed by a big SUV being dusted for fingerprints. Turns out an officer from Iowa had his car broken into and his gun and other things stolen. As the 4th car broken into today, I felt bad for the guy but re-routed back for the motor home and figured I could find a picture of the Arch online but can’t replace all of my strategically chosen underwear.

Arches from afar....guarding my underwear

I believe this is the MLK bridge over the Mississippi River

We drove more, ate stuff and here I am falling asleep. Again there is an odd light outside of the front window, but this time it is the comforting glow of the Wal-Mart sign in the Illinois sky. Good night all - - no more Chiggers to worry about. Sometimes I love concrete. … Drive on…